A friend and I were discussing a talk we both listened to regarding hope. It was apparent to me that we both understood the concept of hope, but weren’t sure how to apply actions to get more hope in our lives. The talk was filled with stories about hope and hopeful people but that did not necessarily translate to my life. We agreed that to be successful, you have to identify opportunities to apply behavioral changes. So, how do I make that happen? As I continued to reflect upon the conversation, I became determined to dig in and find some answers.
My initial action was to broaden my scope. All of the things desired in life, whether it be peace, joy, love or money, are all arbitrary, murky concepts. This murkiness makes them hard to achieve. There are multiple ways to change in order to lead a more fulfilling life. In fact, we often experiment and change our path trying to navigate toward a better future. Unfortunately, our old behaviors kick back in and our changes are usually short lived. I needed consistent steps to apply and create lasting change.
Making changes in life is like using sun screen. It only works if you apply and continue to re-apply.
Consider What Won’t Work
For whatever reason, I decided to start with applications that do not seem to work. For example, I knew following the routine of famous people would be a waste of time, even though I seem to see it all over my social media accounts. Getting up at 2:30 AM and eating the same breakfast as Mark Wahlberg will not make me more successful. By the way, try Googling, “what time does Mark Wahlberg wake up” and look at all of the results. Human nature wants to idolize and follow the path of others. I think we need to be happy in our lives, not someone else’s. Therefore, the applied solution could not be imitation. It must be authentic and created on my own.
I also determined I could not chase instant gratification. Application would require effort to achieve. It is not like going to a car dealer, seeing a cool car and signing up for a loan to drive away with the car of your dreams. It is like driving the car around and then going home and working hard and making sacrifices so that you can go back and buy that car. Even if it takes you two years and you are now buying the car off of the used car lot. I believe I am much better off financially and emotionally in the latter situation. Effort will be a key ingredient when applying improvements.
Now, Let’s Consider What Will Work
Neither imitations, nor tricks will get me where I desire to go. I also knew I could not wish my way to a better outcome. I determined to research a concept around for centuries. Know Thyself is a term first attributed to Socrates. A key element consists of viewing yourself through the eyes of others. One of the most challenging things we face as humans is to be introspective and to view ourselves objectively.
I used this objective view as a starting point for my self-reflection. From there, I poured in my feelings and where I was and wasn’t satisfied with life. I aligned these thoughts with my view of my talents, personality, and lifestyle. All of those findings were then juxtaposed against how people in the world view similar attributes (skills, talents, etc.). Jotting all of these findings down starts to create a window into the gaps and opportunities between where you are and where you want to be.
Apply your Reflections
Once the window is viewable, begin to prioritize the opportunities and design ways to apply changes to current behavior. The plan design must incorporate the opportunity, the path to a better situation, identify activities for experimentation, and purposefully seek opportunities to apply those activities. Application is the key element. So, how do we apply the plan?
So, now you have prioritized your best opportunity and you have thought through a plan to execute. Now what. Now you need to apply! Here are the steps I have found successful changing behavior and living more in-touch with your mind and spirit:
1. Write It Down!
Collect your thoughts. It can be in a journal, in a spreadsheet or on Pinterest boards. Writing forces you to get your ideas into constructive groupings and to make sense of them. It allows you to create your “why” and to get emotional about what you are doing.
These things are critical to your success. You need to be able to articulate why you want to do this and why this will make you better to form your benefit statement. When you are struggling or people ask about your changes, this is a short, simple, concrete way to explain and validate.
Your emotions are important. Emotions feed your willpower. You know all of the rational reasons you should change but your emotions are what push you to make the change and keep doing it. Writing feeds your emotions. Pouring your emotions into the process further stokes the fire.
2. Get an Accountability Partner
You need someone who is honest and will support you for the long haul. Tell them your “why” and let them see the emotional energy you have with making this change. You will need to share with them the benefit statement and your plan to making the changes and what you are expecting from them. Get their commitment to being your partner in this effort.
Your partner is critical to keeping you on track. You need to get their feedback and talk to them about your progress and your mis-steps. They will pick you up when you stumble and will calm you down when you get too high. Your partner is critical in understanding the view others have of you and they will objectively help you measure progress. You can go alone, but your chances of success dramatically increase if you maintain a partner.
3. Conduct Mental Audits and Make Adjustments
You need to note wins when you follow your plan. The only way to know if you are winning is to measure it. Sounds simple, but outside of dieting, how many things you are trying to improve are you measuring. Probably not much and this is critical. If you cannot measure it, you will likely lose interest and quit.
Set measurable goals. You can measure pages read per day, screen time, minutes of exercise, time with your kids, etc. Everything has some kind of measure. Make it attainable and write it down and let your partner know. Then, every 7-10 days, audit how you are doing and adjust the goal or add a new element. Setting goals, attaining them and adding elements feeds the positive emotions and rewards your efforts in your mind.
Lastly, be thankful for the small stuff. You don’t need to treat yourself. Your successes will be the treat. This may start to sound repetitive, but write down your successes and share them with your partner. The act of sharing reinforces positive feelings and drives you further than you thought you could go. The final piece to update is your benefit statement. Adding in your success measurements makes an even stronger why and you can use it as a source for others if they come to you to support them. After all, wouldn’t if be a great way to pay it forward by being someone else’s accountability partner?
Final Thoughts
We all know in our brains what we need to do. Unfortunately, our brain is happy to maintain the status quo. It doesn’t want to change. That is why it is so hard to make and keep changes. To drive change, we need to get past the automatic drive of our brain, create a recognition mindset, and tap into the powerful potential of our mind and emotions. We can harness this power through relentless self reflection, writing benefit statements and identifying and leveraging accountability partners. These behaviors allow us to apply the changes we want to become more self-fulfilled.
